i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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