I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
