Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
