So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
