hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
