alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
