Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Life is so much better after having sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
