Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
