My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
