Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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