I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
