can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have post one night stand depression
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
