Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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