tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
