you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
