They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
