Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
