I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
