I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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