You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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