Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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