my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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