I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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