I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
