You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
