drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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