Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
