The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
3pm strippers are depressing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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