Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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