I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
