wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
