Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
