dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Drake has all the answers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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