Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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