call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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