i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
