im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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