dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
