he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
