is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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