I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
