Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
