how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
