I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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