Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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