I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
