you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
