so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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