so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want nice things and good sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
do nipples grow back?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
