Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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