batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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