im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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